What is The 21 Questions Game?
The 21 questions game is a popular game with very simple rules. It’s great for parties or one-on-one interactions, especially with a person you’ve only spent a little bit of time around and would like to get to know better.
This game is so easy to play that you don’t even need a pencil or paper to play it with somebody! Here’s how it works: The first player is designated the “asker” and the second person will be answering the questions.
The first player gets to ask 21 questions and the second player has to try and answer them all as truthfully as possible. There’s no backing out!
An important rule of the game is that you’re not allowed to lie or make anything up – you have to tell the truth on all of the questions! Aside from that, there are no rules. You may agree to have certain topics ruled out beforehand, but typically all topics are open and the “asker” can ask anything they want.
Once 21 questions have been asked, the players switch roles and the original “asker” will now have to answer 21 questions from the other player.
Another way to play is by having players alternate asking questions – each player asks one question at a time instead of having a single player ask all 21 of their questions before the other player gets a chance.
This allows the game to develop from both sides and creates more interplay between the players. It also means more interaction because both players are asking and creates a sort of “punishment” system – if your partner asks you something embarrassing, you can ask them something embarrassing right back!
This game is amazing because it transcends barriers of age, gender or nationality and creates a level playing field where you can learn about each other and maybe send some signals on what you think about each other as well.
Why Play the Questions Game?
This game is a fantastic way to get to know a new person or improve how well you know somebody that you might already be friends with but haven’t spent much time around.
It’s an opportunity to ask somebody their opinions and ideas on a variety of topics with no justification for the reason you’ve asked any question – they’re part of the game!
You can choose to ask philosophical or very hypothetical questions, questions about personal beliefs or experiences, or even experiential questions about what things the other player has done in their life.
It’s guaranteed that you’ll learn something about the other player that you didn’t know previously and understand more about what they think and what things they care about.
The 21 questions game is also an extremely flirty game that guys and girls can use to try and impress each other and give signals about their availability and the kinds of things they’re interested in, in terms of a partner.
Romantic and sexual questions are well within the bounds of normal questioning – nothing’s off limits!
21 Questions to Get to Know Someone
A recent study that actually had nothing to do with this game shed some serious light on how playing the 21 questions game with somebody can change your relationship with that person.
Humans bond through intimacy, which I would just define as the ability to share parts of your life with other people. This includes an extremely wide range of activities and human behaviors.
It could mean having sex or going on a romantic date, but it could also mean playing on a sports team together, working through a stressful group project together, serving in the military together or surviving a traumatic experience together. Humans build relationships by sharing their feelings and desires with others.
A new study has some very solid implications for how the 21 questions game can help two people build a stronger relationship. This study had total strangers sit at a table together for 15-20 minutes and ask each other a series of intimate questions.
These included questions about life history, relationships, plans and goals for the future and other hypothetical or philosophical questions as well. Researchers were looking at whether they could actually facilitate the creation of solid interpersonal relationships just by getting people to sit and talk to each other.
The study determined that two people can actually fall in love just by sitting and having a 20 minute discussion that is personal and honest in nature.
Participants reported that they actually could develop romantic feelings for a total stranger based just on a 20 minute interview. They were also asked to rate how attracted they were to the person before and after the interview.
Most participants reported that they were more attracted to their partner after the interview, indicating that the interview process made the person seem more attractive.
It’s clear that the 21 Questions game has a lot of psychology behind it. When you choose to play it in an open and honest way, there’s a good chance that you’re going to start building a stronger friendship or attraction to the other people playing with you.
There’s even a good chance that someone you’re playing with could fall in love with you or decide they might want to date you based on your interactions during the game.
How to Play 21 Questions to Your Advantage
Your strategy for the 21 Questions game is very important to achieving the outcome that you want. On the surface it might seem that there’s no strategy at all, but it’s important to pay attention to a few key things in order to get the most out of playing the 21 questions game.
First, you should almost never lie during the game. If you’ve seen someone trying to lie during the game or saying something that they know is untrue, they probably got caught in that lie or at the very least the other person knew they were lying, even if they couldn’t prove it.
The 21 questions game creates a relaxed and open atmosphere where participants should feel like they can give real, genuine answers without necessarily being judged.
At the very least, people feel, they’ll have an opportunity to explain things that have happened when the other player doesn’t like their answer. If you lie during the game, it will probably be the most obvious lie that you have ever told.
This is because everyone lets their guard down during the game in preparation to give very honest answers to the questions. If another player asks a question that puts you on the defensive, that’s going to be immediately obvious in your body language and reaction.
If others know that you’re lying, they might feel more inclined to lie as well (with less guilt) and you’ll have lost the intimate aspect that makes the game worth playing!
21 Questions Rules
Second, you should choose a turn set-up that benefits you most. In the most common game format, one player asks all of their 21 questions, then players switch and the second player asks 21 questions in return. In this format, it’s important that you try to influence who goes first to suit your own purposes.
It usually looks more natural if the person who had the idea to play the game is willing to ask the first question. On the other hand, if the other player goes first, you can let them sort of set the tone for what kinds of questions will be asked.
That can tell you a lot about their comfort level with the game and what direction they want it to go in. Asking the first question is difficult because you’re the first person to put yourself “out there”.
You may not be sure how the other player will react to the first question you ask and that can be scary. You may want to ask something personal, something sexual or romantic, or some deep question, and you’re not sure what your partner might be interested in talking about right now.
If you’re coaxing someone into playing with you and you have to ask the first question, I would always try to ask something fun or playful to start out. It’s easier to draw someone in with a question that isn’t very threatening and then maybe move on to something more interesting later.
Another great tip is to try alternating questions instead of each person asking only when it’s their turn. If each person takes a turn asking a single question, it can be less intimidating because the first person who isn’t asking doesn’t have to face 21 questions in a row.
Sometimes if you’re doing this, you may want to ensure that you’re second to ask though. I have heard of games where the asker just has all of their questions repeated back to them! In the 21 questions game, remember, you’re probably interested in how the other player will respond to the things that you’re asking, but you’re also interested to hear their questions!
What do they want to know about you? What parts of your life do they show interest in? What things are suggested by what they ask you? Hold your partner accountable to asking you genuine questions and you’ll both have a better experience in the game.
How to Choose Questions for the Game
You’re probably wondering about what the best questions are to ask in the 21 questions game. There are so many options that it can be tough to decide which questions are the best.
The best choice is to think about what you’re hoping to get out of the interaction and ask questions based on that. Ultimately, you’ll have to read the person that you’re playing with and figure out what kinds of things they would be interested in telling you about versus what you really might want to know.
Below are two lists of interesting possible questions for the game. We’ve split them into fun questions that are appropriate to ask anybody and some dirtier questions as well.
You might ask questions from the first list to someone you just met on a vacation or through a mutual friend that you’re interested in learning more about. The second list is reserved for people you’re flirting with or trying to embarrass – be careful who you ask!
Good Questions to Ask Your Crush
1. How important is money when it comes to finding happiness in life? Do you think that money can buy happiness?
2. How would you describe your perfect job? If you’re not sure about what the job would be specifically, what would its parameters be? Would you be independent or working in a team? How much freedom would you have?
3. If you could travel anywhere in the world for a one-week vacation, where would you go and why? Imagine you won a contest so it was all paid for. What would you want to do or see?
4. How do you handle disagreements with other people at work? Are you passive or do you prefer to face those issues head-on? Would people call you passive-aggressive?
5. What is the oldest dream you can remember from your childhood? How did that experience make you feel? Why do you think you’ve remembered it so well? If you can’t remember one, what’s the last dream you remember?
6. If you could transform into any one person and live their life for a day, who would it be and why? What do you think you would like about it? What might you not like?
7. If you could switch bodies and actually be someone else, like totally have their life forever, who would you choose? Would it be an actor or singer? Someone rich and famous? Would it just be someone powerful, or well-respected?
8. What’s the first thing you would buy if you won the lottery? Would you go on vacation? Would you buy a house or a new car? What would you do with the rest of the money?
9. Have you ever been in a fight with someone? If so, how did the fight start, what happened and how was the situation resolved? If not, think of the time where you were closest to being in a fight. What happened instead?
10. Could you ever kill somebody? What would have to happen in order for you to do that/under what circumstances do you think it would be morally okay?
11. If you could change your name to something else, what would you change it to and why? Have you ever thought about changing your name? Is there anything about your name right now that would make you want to change it?
12. Do you remember your first paycheck at a real company? How did it feel? What did you do with it or what did you buy?
13. If you had just 24 hours to live, how would you spend your last day on Earth? How would you plan your last day alive and in good health? Most people die without expecting it, how would it be different if you knew that it was your last day?
12. What is your biggest fear? Phobias count if you have specific things that you’re just terrified of, but what’s your biggest fear in life? What scares you the most when you wake up in the morning?
13. Would you rather have one or two close friends and nobody else or a large group of friends but with nobody you’re that close to? Do you prefer having a big group to hang out in with lots of people or fostering a few close relationships without a huge friend group around you?
21 Questions to Ask Your Crush
- Have you ever walked in on people having sex? What was their reaction when it happened? Were you bothered by it or did you just shrug it off?
- Do you remember your first kiss? Where did it happen and who was it with? Who else say it and how old were you? Do you remember if other events led up to it or if it just happened randomly?
- Has anyone called you a good kisser? Has anyone called you a bad kisser?
- What’s your favorite thing to do on a first date? Have you had that opportunity more than once? Think of a first date that had where you did that. How did it end? Was it a good overall experience?
- Have you ever done something you regretted with the opposite sex while you were drunk? What happened? How did it happen?
- How old were you when you lost your virginity? Describe as much as you can about the day or night when it happened. If you could go back in time, would you do it any differently? What would you change?
- What’s your biggest sexual fantasy? Have you done it before? What was the experience like for you and for the other person?
- What’s the kinkiest thing you have ever done for someone else or had done to you? How did that end up happening – did you request it or was it someone else? Did you enjoy it?
- How often do you like to have sex? Are you someone that can survive with just once a month or even less, or do you prefer to do it every week or even every day? Are you getting the perfect amount right now? Do you need more?
- Have you ever used your sexuality to take advantage of somebody else – because you knew they found you attractive and you could get something from them? How did you feel afterwards? Would you do it again?
- What’s your favorite position during sex?
- What was the greatest number of times you had sex in a single day?
- What attracts you most about the opposite gender? What physical qualities would someone of the opposite gender have to have in order to get your attention right away? Have you met or dated someone with those qualities?
- Have you ever cheated on a partner? Why did you choose to do it? Did you get caught and how did it affect your relationship later on?
- What do you think is your most attractive physical quality? What do other people see that makes them want you or gets them interested? What is your least attractive physical quality that you’re maybe a little self conscious about?
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