How to Tell if a Guy Likes You More Than friends
How to tell if a guy likes you?… First thing first… I don’t know if it’s some effort to get away from our more primal, natural selection days, or what.
But romance seems way more complicated than it really needs to be. People seem to actually enjoy playing games over more straight forward approaches.
Why can’t we live in a world where an interested party can walk up to someone and say “Hi, I know absolutely nothing about your character, but I find you physically attractive and would like the opportunity to get to know you better.”?
If the other person shares the interest, cool; if not, move on. If you do that in the real world you’re liable to get accused of harassment. It’s gotten to the point where testing the waters is dangerous in and of itself.
You need to all but have verification of reciprocated feelings before even making your move. The point of this article is to help you out with that a bit. Keep in mind, everyone is different, so a lot of these types might even contradict themselves in the same breath.
Signs a Guy Likes You More Than a Friend
First thing’s first, you have to determine what you actually mean by this question. If you’re a woman asking this question about a heterosexual man “like” can have a lot of different meanings.
If you mean “does he want to have sex with me?” The answer is probably yes. If you mean “would he have sex with me?” The answer is almost certainly yes.
From here it gets a little trickier. If you’re asking if he wants to be your boyfriend, there are certain patterns of behavior to look for. Of course this all depends on how well you know the person.
But if you’re genuinely contemplating whether or not they are interested in you, I’m going to assume at least some prior interaction. The reality of this question in modern society is less “does he like you?” and more along the lines of “can he like you?”
I’m going to be a little painfully blunt here; if you’re below a certain level of attractiveness there probably isn’t anything you can do to muster interest from someone.
I hate to even say it, personality can keep the fire burning and even take it to new heights, but without even the slightest spark of attraction it’s just gas. Now assuming you aren’t a troll person (I’m just kidding, you know I love rhetorical you) Here are some red flags to look for.
- Is he gay? Not to put too fine a point on it, but if he’s gay then no, he probably doesn’t like you. Not really anything you can do in this situation but move on.
- Does he have a significant other? Now before you get defensive, I’m not trying to judge. Do you. I’m just saying that either the dude is a standup guy and you probably don’t have a chance, or he’s not and you definitely have a chance. But that behavior doesn’t change. If he does it to her, he’ll almost certainly do it to you. If you’re cool with that arrangement, then by all means, get yours. Should you pursue this venture somewhat counter intuitively dudes with wives and kids tend to be more likely to “like” you than dudes with boyfriends. Married men tend to get bored, it sucks, but it’s true. The impermanence of a girlfriend is less constricting and therefore more comfortable for some guys. Again, not telling you how to live your life, but if he has a significant other and seems sketchy; then yeah, he could probably be swayed towards liking you.
- Is he a douche? If yes, he’s probably interested in having sex with you, but not interested in dating or being your boyfriend. Do with that information what you will.
- Does he seem desperate? I promise I’m not trying to be mean spirited; I’m just trying to be thorough. Be careful though, you would be absolutely shocked how often beggars tend to be choosers. That said; if you’re attractive and you know it, then he’s probably interested.
Of course there are some red flags you need to look for inside yourself that can shed some light on whether or not a guy is interested in you.
- Do you have a significant other? People want what they can’t have. Just knowing you are attached to someone else will make you more attractive to some guys. Some guys will be more respectful of that situation than others, but most of them will be interested. Remember though, once someone gets the thing they couldn’t have, it becomes less special.
- Are you a douche? Douchebaggery is equal opportunity. If no one likes you, it stands to reason that no one likes you. Don’t be a douche.
9 Surefire Signs he likes you!
Now you’re saying to yourself, “that last section was obvious and vague.” “I knew all of that, what are some clear cut signs that a guy is interested?”
First of all people aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be. Secondly, yes actually they are (I told you, contradictions were coming). One of the worst things about human beings is that we have trouble thinking about other people as people.
I don’t mean conceptually, I mean actually. When you think of someone else, you don’t think of them as a ‘me’, you think of them as a ‘them’. They are a supporting actor in the story of your life. Well, actually they are the star of their life.
To see why someone is behaving the way they are, or to attempt to predict their future behavior you have to put yourself in their shoes. Here are some signs that he’s actually interested in you.
1: He’s nice to you: Don’t go overboard with this one ladies. I don’t mean he held the door open for you once, or asked “how was your weekend?”nice.
I mean he goes out of his way to be nice to you, consistently. Why would anyone do this? Well, maybe they are just a really nice guy by nature. Look around and see if he treats anyone else the same way.
If he does, it’s possible he’s casting a wide net, but more likely that the guy is just nice. If he only acts this way towards you, it may as well be a neon sign of interest.
2: He’s mean to you: Basically invert everything I just said except for the conclusion and the same remains true. Some guys are genuinely coy and are trying to throw you off their scent for some childish game playing reason (remember how much I don’t like this practice).
For that reason, they will treat you worse than everyone else. They may even ignore you entirely. They could really not be interested, but most people can tell when someone is intentionally ignoring them or if they actually just don’t care about their existence. On the other hand, they could just be a mean person.
If they are mean to everyone they’re probably just a dick. On a third mutant hand, there’s this thing called negging. It’s stupid. The basic idea is to lower a girl’s self-esteem so that she feels like she needs to impress upon you her worth. I truly hope that it doesn’t actually work, but have to imagine that it does, because life is sad sometimes.
3: He finds excuses to touch you: I don’t mean he’s groping you as you walk by or anything (although that would probably be a sure fire sign of interest) but more innocuous touching. If he touches your arm while you’re talking, or your side, or finds excuses to hug you, he is likely trying to establish a connection with you.
He’s trying to get you comfortable with physical interaction. You feel connect to people you feel comfortable letting touch you right, well there you go. Again, make sure the guy doesn’t do this to everyone as he could just be really touchy feely. But usually it’s a sign of at least physical interest.
4: He finds reasons to be around you: Another pretty obvious one. People don’t like being around people they don’t like. It’s possible he really just wants to be your pal, I guess… But more likely, just like in the last sign, he’s trying to get you to the point where you are comfortable around him and enjoy his company.
5: He talks about other girls around you: People aren’t stupid, unless you’ve been friends for a very long time, the only reason he would talk about another girl romantically is to see what your reaction will be.
That isn’t to say that if you don’t react he won’t just roll with it. But he wants to see if you’re going to get defensive or jealous. Careful though, he could just be an egotist. There are plenty of guys out there who want people to be interested in them without any intention of reciprocation.
6: He gives you the look: This one is not really for people you actually know. If you’re out somewhere social and a guy gives you the look, he’s interested. Don’t ask what look, you know what look. It’s not exactly a subtle look.
Whether he’s going to act upon that interest is a whole different story. If you’re cliqued up but you’re interested to I would suggest being proactive.
7: He cares what you think: This might be the biggest one of all. When a guy is interested in a lady, he fantasizes about doing things to impress her. Most people have a very general interest in what others think about them.
They don’t want to be perceived as ugly or stupid, but beyond that they don’t so much care. If he’s interested in you, your opinion could easily sway him from one decision to the next.
If you hold influence over the guy, and are not officially his actual superior (in a business, military, or scholarly hierarchy, not intrinsically) then he almost certainly is interested in you.
8: He spends money on you: If he spends a single dingy red cent on you, and you aren’t friends and he’s not adequately wealthy, he’s interested in you. It’s kinda sketchy, but some guys see spending money on ladies as an investment of which they expect returns.
If you go out for a casual meal and he asks the waiter to split the check, you’ll are just work friends. If he covers cab rides, meals, buys you birthday presents, it’s pretty obvious the dude is sprung. Or I could just be extremely cheap.
9: He tells you: This is the best possible scenario. The guy just cowboy’s up and tells you how it is. If he does do this, good for him. Unfortunately for both of you, the culture that has been fostered for decades now discourages him from doing that, as he is most likely going to get swatted down and embarrassed.
If this is a guy you see all the time, he is even less likely to do this because should he be swatted down and embarrassed it would make things super awkward and uncomfortable, and that’s not something that people typically like to risk.
That being the case, now that you are armed with this knowledge (that let’s be real, you already had) you can put some signs out there yourself. We live in an age of ostensible equality. The odds of you being shot down by him are considerably lower than the odds of him being shot down by you.
At the end of the day, most guys will take what they can get, for better or for worse. If you’re looking for a long lasting connection with someone, there is no quick surefire sign that they won’t spectacularly reject you.
Just observe their behavior (but not in a stalker way or anything) and try to put yourself in their shoes. After all, isn’t taking that leap part of the fun. No. But we have to do it anyway….lol…
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